Journey's End


Well, it's done. Or done enough. I'm calling it done. After 623 pages, 170,000+ words, four major characters, three villains, two faithful horses, a sweeping cast of minor characters both good and bad, a little magic, a little swordplay, a lot of blood, and a bit of sex, drinking, cursing, and blasphemy, my novel "Ravenmarked" is finished.

I don't know how to feel. When I said I was done before, I really wasn't. I think I wanted it to be done, but I still felt restless--unaccomplished. It didn't feel complete. The characters weren't developed enough, the plot wasn't strong enough, and the writing still needed work. I think it was half-baked.

Now... It has a golden crispy crust on it. The apples inside are sweet and tender and cinnamony. It's ready for a good dollop of ice cream on the side--some maps, a sweet cover, a few icons, a glossary--and then it would be something I could be proud of. Something I want people to savor and enjoy with a cuppa whatever they wish.

Only...

I don't.

What do I want? I want to walk down the aisle of Borders and see my name right there between C. J. Cherryh and David Eddings. I want to log onto Amazon and read that someone stayed up all night reading my book to see what happened next. I want someone to walk up to me at a book signing and say, "you know, Ryan Reynolds would be perfect to play the part of Connor Mac Niall in the movie."

But I don't.

In the end, I wrote this book for me. This is Connor Mac Niall's journey, and Mairead's, and Igraine's, and Braedan's, but it was ultimately mine. And now, with the journey done, at the end of things, I'm satisfied.

Time to get back to my life. I have a business to reinvigorate, children to raise, a house that needs some serious care and feeding, and a husband who, while supportive beyond expectation, would like to have his wife back. I have scouting and church and commercial writing and more books than I can count that beg reading. I have scrapbooks that need updating in a big way, numerous coffee dates that must be fulfilled, and a treadmill that seriously needs to see my feet more than once a month.

When Frodo returned to Bag End, he was different. He couldn't stay there. Maybe I won't be able to stay, either. But I have to go back, at least for now. And in the meantime, "Ravenmarked" will stay neatly tucked away on my hard drive, taking up space but remaining hidden from all but a few carefully chosen eyes.

And I am satisfied.