I'm back. I think.

So, I'm back. It's been a while. I had to take a break from a lot of things for a while, and then I sort of went down the rabbit hole while I fiercely edited my novel. Now it's really getting close to being marketable -- I hope -- and I'm in agonizing mode. I have one storyline/arc to edit -- not happy with the characterization in it -- and then I am going to force myself to submit it. I am. I promise.

My friends and family have given me so much encouragement over these last five months. But now, I'm finding myself in serious agonizing mode. One of the things that's giving me so much angst is markt niche. Aside from this book falling into the general category of "fantasy," I don't know how to characterize it.

I have a vague fear that I'll be ostracized or called on the carpet by my church acquaintances for this book. It's high fantasy, so it's set on a totally different world where things could, in theory, fall under totally different rules, right? But I fear that people will object to a lot of things in this book. There is a fair amount of pagan leaning, swearing, drinking, innuendo, and semi-off-screen nookie. Am I going to hell for this? I hope not.

I also fear, though, that I might alienate the non-Christian reader as well. There is a clear line between good and evil, there is an omnipotent off-screen Creator, and there's a good deal of biblical imagery and such.

I'm a Christian and I'm actually pretty conservative, socially and fiscally. But the truth is that when I write, I write the stories that are in me to tell. Sometimes those don't fall neatly into church dogma (and certainly not Southern Baptist doctrine!). My hero is fractured and has a checkered past. He drinks, he swears, and he's not been the most faithful with his affections (to say the least). One of my villains is actually not that bad a guy -- misguided, and he does bad things with good intentions, and he's rakish and a bit of a cad, but he's got a tender heart that's been wounded a lot. He has a genuine love for his country that my hero doesn't share. He's redeemable.

(Momentary digression -- there are several villains, and one of them is very clearly irredeemable and totally evil. But in this first book, he lurks in the background just to influence people. This makes him more threatening, I think -- it's harder to fight evil that you can't see. Okay, back to more hand-wringing...)

While I absolutely agree that there is a place for very clean Christian fiction, and I don't begrudge anyone the opportunity to read it, I also think there is a place for fiction written by Christians to illustrate bigger themes -- themes such as sacrifice, redemption, forgiveness, loving others above yourself, and doing good works. Those are the lessons Christ taught. Those are the things we need to talk about to others. If fiction written by Christians can illustrate those themes with less-than-perfectly-clean stories, isn't that a good thing? If those themes appeal to a wider audience than the one sitting in the pews on Sunday, isn't that what being salt and light is about?

Maybe -- and I'm not saying this was my motivation or my idea when I wrote this book -- but maybe fiction that illustrates biblical themes can be a "gateway drug" to finding out more about faith in Christ for the seeker who wants to know. And if it's not, maybe it can just be a damn good read. Either way, I'm okay with that.

So, that's my vent/rant/worry. Back to agonizing over my book and query letter now. Let the hand-wringing commence.....